Before we get into our tips, let’s look at a paragraph from an essay on the pros and cons of telemedicine in healthcare. This essay was written with a casual voice.
Way before the pandemic happened, you could see a doctor using video chat if you couldn’t make it to a hospital. It is also true though that people are using telehealth options even more now since COVID. The pros of telemedicine are being able to access more doctors, less time in a waiting room, and also it is more convenient than going to the ER. However, telemedicine does have cons in my opinion. When you see a doctor over a telehealth platform, they can’t do a regular physical, which could mean your symptoms get overlooked. Other negatives are not everyone has a computer, and also there could be a data breach. In this essay I will explore the pros and cons of telemedicine and how to use it in the future.
Now, let’s rewrite that paragraph in the academic voice:
Telemedicine has been around since well before the COVID pandemic and has helped extend care to those who couldn’t make it to a hospital. Since the pandemic, however, the telehealth visit has become an increasingly popular choice for both patients and providers. The pros of telemedicine include greater accessibility to healthcare services, especially for those in remote areas, reduced wait times, and the convenience of avoiding costly trips to the hospital or emergency room for minor issues. Despite these advantages, however, telemedicine also has its downsides. In a telehealth visit, a practitioner cannot perform a basic physical exam, for example, and the lack of in-person observation could cause potentially serious symptoms to be overlooked. Other cons include possible technological barriers for some patients as well as concerns over privacy and data security. As the possibilities in telemedicine continue to evolve, it will be essential to weigh both the benefits and challenges to understand its proper role in the future of healthcare.
What tips did we use to find our academic voice?
Tip #1: Avoid using informal language.
Instead of:
Way before the pandemic happened, you could see a doctor using video chat if you couldn’t make it to a hospital.
Write:
Telemedicine has been around since well before the COVID pandemic and has helped extend care to those who couldn’t make it to a hospital.
Tip #2: Avoid using second person pronouns (“you”).
Instead of:
Way before the pandemic happened, you could see a doctor using video chat if you couldn’t make it to a hospital.
Write:
Telemedicine has been around since well before the COVID pandemic and has helped extend care to those who couldn’t make it to a hospital.
Tip #3: Use abbreviations sparingly, especially for common terms.
Instead of:
The pros of telemedicine are being able to access more doctors, less time in a waiting room, and also it is more convenient than going to the ER.
Write:
The pros of telemedicine include greater accessibility to healthcare services, especially for those in remote areas, reduced wait times, and the convenience of avoiding costly trips to the hospital or emergency room for minor issues.
Sometimes, abbreviations might be necessary if 1) a reader is more familiar with the abbreviation than the term (like RSVP), or, 2) the term being abbreviated is particularly cumbersome (we would rather write NASDAQ than National Association of Securities Dealers Automated Quotations). Writers should use their judgement.
Tip #4: Avoid contractions.
Instead of:
When you see a doctor over a telehealth platform, they can’t do a regular physical, which could mean your symptoms get overlooked.
Write:
In a telehealth visit, a practitioner cannot perform a basic physical exam, for example, and the lack of in-person observation could cause potentially serious symptoms to be overlooked.
Tip #5: Don’t use the first person (“I”) and avoid describing what the essay will do.
Instead of:
In this essay I will explore the pros and cons of telemedicine and how to use it in the future.
Write:
As the possibilities in telemedicine continue to evolve, it will be essential to weigh both the benefits and challenges to understand its proper role in the future of healthcare.
If you are writing something less formal than a research paper, like an editorial or opinion essay, it might be okay to use the first person, while utilizing some of these other tips to make your writing sound more authoritative. Adjust your voice depending on the assignment.
However, phrases like “in this essay” are cliche and can almost always be rephrased in a way that actually shows what your argument will be.
